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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| I was browsing through the internet and was amazed by this female with blue eyes. I started to read more about it and stated that the color of eyes are created by low concentration of melanin in the eyes. Asians will have a high concentration of melanin causing the brown eyes. If you happen to see someone with Asian ethnicity with blue eyes then it it caused by using contacts, having family origins with this gene, both parents having recessive genes and hitting the genetic jackpot. I was staring at those eyes for awhile admiring the color and bummed out by my brown eyes. I guess I notice it more now since I tend to look at people's eyes the first time I talk to anyone. It may be a habit or just my fascination of seeing how they respond and are they looking at me or just looking around.
Also, I have been listening to Born to Die album by Lana Del Rey. There will be many reviews on how she isn't good at all but I felt that it is caused by the over-hype. The music will be a little repetitious and the lyrics may be somewhat interesting to listen to but that shouldn't be a factor with Lady Gaga, Kanye West, Nicki Minaj, and Jay Z right? Each person has their interpretations of music as long as I don't have to listen to Justin Bieber before I die. | | |
| I wish there was going to be a good ending to this part of my life but I shouldn't be surprised by it. A few days ago she finally opened up to me about how she really is and persuaded me to not like her anymore. I knew right then that the person I knew a few weeks back is not the person she states she is. I don't know if I can still be friends with her because her point of view was so different from mine. I could never see myself being picky about everything in my life and wanting certain traits in my future girlfriend. I don't know why she keeps following this path knowing that she will never be satisfied and maybe that is something she will have to learn the hard way. I did my best to show her that I would be there for her no matter what but she doesn't want this. She might never learn but she knows what she is doing every time she acts upon it and it makes me unhappy. | | |
| Following up to my happiness I felt in my last entry, is the rollercoaster I hate. There have been times when I feel extremely sad because of something I can't help her with. I can only be there to support her and it makes me feel so vulnerable. I'm a problem solver by heart and I take any challenge and try to solve it. This is one of the events that I could never help her with because I was never there when she felt this way. At times I feel happy knowing that I can make her smile and laugh but other times I feel that even being there is not enough. I feel very worthless. I try my best to be there for her but sometimes I wish I was there with her whenever she was feeling sad. I wish I could show her what a boyfriend really is. I don't know where this will take me but at least I'll be there. I will probably breakdown more and more as time goes by but that is how I am. I wear the emotions on my sleeve and care more than anyone else could. I don't want to just understand how she feels. I try to imagine myself in her shoes and going through those tragic events. I'm a sucker for her and it will probably lead to her happiness and my destruction. I feel that this is the only person that makes feel happier than anyone else because I was able to open up to her. I haven't touched the dating scene for way too many years because I felt that there was no one that was compatible with me. She persuaded me to open up and I will only open up to her. I let my walls down only for her and will not open them again for awhile.
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| I sometimes laugh at the aspect of online match sites. I think they can be helpful in communicating with people in or out of your area so that you can develop relationships. However, I never thought that I would somehow be happy that I found someone I am compatible with. We have been talking everyday through chat, text, and phone so it seems that something is in the works. She is amazing in my eyes and I don't think I could deserve someone like her. So I hope things are going up from now on. I am afraid of screwing up so I am taking it a little slow. She urges me to come visit her or move near her but I want to at least settle things I have here before I make a big decision like that. Oh I hate you rollercoaster called life. | | |
| Another year has already gone and I don't feel any happier about it. I guess I have high expectations of myself so there are still plenty of things that need to be done but I don't have any motivation to do it. I guess it is because I haven't found people I can trust so I tend to hang out with crowds that I know but don't necessarily talk to about things. There are always people you hang around just because they do things but sometimes you just want people you can trust and know that they care about you as much as you do. You know who they are since they are always the one to call you or take the time out of their busy schedule just to help you out. The feeling of having good friends that make you happy. I guess it is just because I don't fit in this area and I need to move somewhere else. I can't at this moment due to my military obligations but I guess I will when I can (around March 2014).
When you leave high school, you tend to lose a few friends due to going to college but you expect some form of communication. However, people change and they tend to not care about you since you aren't around them. Your friends now are people in college and when I try to contact my high school friends, they treat me like a stranger. I don't change to fit with whoever I am with and it annoys me to know that people I do care about changed so drastically. You start to know that some of your friends tend to drink and go to clubs to have fun. Congratulations on spending your money on such a useless form of entertainment. I understand if you wanted to go once in awhile but constantly doing this should get old but I guess the alcohol makes it easier on your boredom.
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